Curiosity (nearly) killed the cat
by Shokoshu

Curiosity (nearly) killed the cat

"Ding Dong, the Postman rings!" trumpeted the house syntronic of Ronald Tekener.
"I hope it's no Arkon bomb from a quiet admirer?" purred Dao-Lin H'ay, his feline mate. After all, the Galactic Gamer had made enough deadly enemies during his long life, and his cell activator protected against aging, but not against being blown to pieces.
"Well, now, Terranian security isn'tcompletely inept...eaaaasy does it..." commanded Tekener. An antigrav couch moaned under the weigth of something looking like a church organ designed by somebody boozed up to the gills withVurguzz.
"Aaaah, another item for your collection of exotic weapons? Do you play cat music on it until your enemy goes insane?" Dao-Lin meowed mockingly.
"Cold,polar cold. This is a one-to-one replica of the abominable Excessive Machine of Sogo."
"Ex-what?"
"So, if I understood my supplier correctly, they found the original gizmo, in a rather burnt-out condition, when diving on a forgotten planet. A rather ravenous ocean full of negative energy, they said, without their anti-psi shields they would have been eaten. It looks like that an ingenious but sordidly perverted scientist named Durand Durand fled from Earth to that planet. Must have been in the atomic age thousands of years ago if he was named after an antique pop-group."
"Now what's so excessive?" Dao-Lin's typical cat-like curiosity couldn't stand the tension.
"Well, open flap, insert girl, turn on music andvoila: Death by perpertual orgasm."
Dao-Lin snickered. "Pre-po-ste-rous! Is today April Fools Day in the Terranian calendar or what?"
"Read my thoughts if you don't believe me!"
"Ha! Even better - I try it myself!" Dao-Lin took off her combination, wiggled her six breasts provocatively and entered the machine.
"So there, Du-Ron Du-Ron, now go try and kill a Kartanin!"
"At your service, Madame H'ay!" Tekener lifted his nonexistent hat in a Roi Danton parody and began to play the newest galactic smash hit 'You're my heart, you're myÜBSEF' by 'Modern Intercom'.
"Prrrrr!" Dao-Lin meowed. "My fur is tingling...mmmmmh!"
"It always beats a bite into the neck, eh?" Tekener commented sardonically.
"MIIIIIAU! MIOOOOO!" Dao-Lin writhed in lust. Electric shivers ran through her body. Then she let out a lioness roar, again and again, until a supernova whited out all her thoughts and she fell unconscious.
...
"Oh, my skull!" Dao-Lin raised with a royal hangover.
"Well, without your cell activator you centainly would have lost a few lives!" Tekener commented ironically.
"You little rat!" Dao-Lin showed her fangs in a grim smile. "You'll suffer for this, in spades!"
"By not cooking for me for a week?"
"Oh, you, you..." Gruesome claws captured Tekener at his collar and ripped his clothes apart. Regardless of his special agent training, he was no match for a furious Kartanin in hand-to-paw combat.
"Now let's see whether this Excessive Machine also works on human males..."

They say Ronald Tekener couldn't sit for a week...

The End