The Journal of Scar and sequel to Decades of Denial Part 2
by Scar II
Was it not enough that I had to bear the mark of my fateful mistake, an insidious scar that would forever remain? Was it too much to ask for any member of the pride to show me some form of love and companionship? Why, just answer me why they would never even give me just a small slice of The Great Circle of Life? All the wrongs they committed against me, and all of their indifference, if it was not hatred, they presented, had created a wretched creature with a broken heart. Melancholy, lonely, morose, depression, cynical, morbid, or pessimistic, any word that is synonymous with sorrow would describe me. I could have been so much more, and sometimes the dreams that enter my mind when I try to sleep would show me all the things that I wished I had become, but they were only dreams, reality was the nightmare. Perhaps I could have been the greatest king Pride Rock had ever seen, no even better, the greatest lion any creature had ever seen, far surpassing Mufasa. If only things had turned out differently, if only my fellow lions had shown me love and compassion, if only my past was not filled with untold atrocities, if only they gave me a chance... if only... if only.
What does it matter now? The past can never be changed, what's done is done; all the unspeakable things they did to me would never be realized by my tormentors, nor would the intense enmity it caused. It was only a game to them, a way for them to have their fun, or course at my expense. How many times did I try to impress them or try to get them to like me? I would have done anything just to be a part of the pride, but every time I tried, it backfired or twisted into something that I never intended would occur. Every chance I had was lost, every goal was shattered, and now every creature could see what I felt like inside. However, it was only one scar, while my heart, my mind, and my soul were covered with them. Taka, a name that was given to me when I was born, meant nothing to me now. I had a new name and all cowered when it was whispered through the pride. I am Scar, a lion of immense intelligence, but a lion with a torn soul and a tortured mind. My name matches not only my eye, but my whole being as well. I am Scar in every meaning of the word.
There was no more I could do, I was at the edge of my cliff, and could not carry on any longer. The abuse and the agony were entirely too much for any creature to take, and so, in a trance like state I padded off of Pride Rock and towards my destination.
It was a gorgeous day. The sun was shinning brightly in the sapphire sky while all the animals were going about their daily routines in a happy, content state. It was the warmest day yet, not humid and dry like a muggy summer day, but quite pleasant with a warm breeze cascading up from the northern border. All the creatures were out and about tending to their regular tasks, all just happy to be alive. What did they have to worry about? They were prospering and all was right. Under King Mufasa their were those who said it was the best of times and no creature could remember when a king was loved so much. All the creatures worshipped him in every way imaginable. They believed that to die for Mufasa and his pride was the ultimate way to honor him. Any antelope or gazelle would gladly lay down and allow the pride to feast on him or her, because they believed an honorable death such as this would be a straight path towards meeting the kings of the past, such was the power and mesmerizing control Mufasa held over them. Whenever Mufasa would step out onto Pride Rock it was cause for a celebration. All creatures, great or small would gather below his "throne" and give glory to him and to his queen, Sarabi. If only they all knew what these two lions were really like, I'd wager if they did realize the truths about the other sides of Mufasa and Sarabi, (how they treated me,) they wouldn't even bother to show up.
It was a day such as the one I mentioned above as I walked down the slopes from my lair. I sighed audibly as I remembered the pointless occasion. This was the day of the presentation of the new king, the next to succeed Mufasa, little Simba. Of course Simba probably would have no idea why he will be held up in front of all the creatures of The Pridelands, his undeveloped mind not even making the connection. He will no doubt become even more confused when they all start cheering and bowing before him, what a waste of time! I felt the remains of the mouse I had eaten for breakfast begin to coarse up my throat, and I knew I definitely would get sick if stayed there and watched the stupid spectacle, so I stealthily left Pride Rock not even looking back.
Before I had Pride Rock out of sight I passed the lionesses who were sunning themselves upon a few high rocks. I lifted my head and saw Sarafina, Nala's mother, staring at me. I snarled at her, but she didn't flinch only curled her own lips up in a salacious grin, then licked her lips in her sensual manner.
"Going somewhere, my love?" She sarcastically asked.
"Don't you ever call me that bitch!" I roared, as I began to advance towards her.
"Leave that thing alone, he's not worth it." Said another lioness. My anger intensified when I realized where those words came from. I immediately recognized Sarabi's uncaring voice as I spun my head around to snarl at her, my mane cascading over my flanks like a waterfall.
"Tell me why I should not rip the both of you apart right here and now?" I roared.
"Well if you even made the attempt, I would just have to tell everyone the truth about that," she pointed towards my scar and she finished her smug reply, "By the way, I did heal quite nicely."
Her response caused me to almost cry, but instead I roared so loud that Sarafina almost had to hold her paws over her ears,
"Go piss on your tail!" I cursed, Gods how I hated her. Sarabi only laughed at my outburst but when she looked at Sarafina who now had a confused look on her face, due to what Sarabi meant, I noticed Sarabi began to grow very uncomfortable.
"What are you saying?" asked Sarafina.
"Never mind," replied Sarabi, "Come on, it is almost time for the presentation, I must go see my mate and..." Sarabi looked right at me, "MY LOVE!"
I cringed at her cruel words and then once again, as Sarafina looked one last time at me, winking her eye, then with another lewd grin for me, she bounded after Sarabi. I watched them go cursing and snarling at them. I never knew why or how they managed it, but they were both so cruel to me, even worse when they were together, and I had done nothing to either of them. They didn't always act this way towards me, but ever since I acquired my scar, everything changed. Sarabi had given it to me, in a brutal rejection when I tried to show her how much I loved her. Before the proclamation, the one that foretold that Sarabi and Mufasa were to be king and queen, I had spent many nights with Sarabi and it seemed, to me like we were both in total love, but that one terrible day she completely changed and I never knew why. For the eternal mark she gave me and then as she began acting in her smug, careless way, always promising to reveal the true nature of how I acquired my Scar, my whole feelings for her changed, from undying love and devoted compassion into smoldering hate and everlasting distrust. I would never forgive her and every time I saw her, it seemed things only became worse.
Sarafina was no better, the way she acted around me, as if we had some secret affair between us. That was not entirely untrue though. Once I found her in a pathetic state saying that Mufasa no longer loved her and he would only mate with Sarabi. She pleaded with me to be her mate, promising me that the both of us would always be together and create our own pride. Sarafina and Mufasa used to be lovers until the proclamation so I thought all she told me was genuine and she seemed so beautiful and innocent. Plus I had not been with any other lioness since Sarabi and it had been about a month since she left me, so I was desperate for love and companionship. I foolishly accepted her offers even though I was told once that it would cause my downfall, but by this point, I no longer cared, and I took that chance. What a mistake I made, and it only made my life even worse. Yes I must admit the time we spent together was more wonderful then words could describe, and she even acted as if our mating was due to love. When we finally parted I thought my troubles were over as I caressed her head and she did the same to mine. When she whispered that she would always be in my debt and she would never forget what I did for her, I thought my life was finally turning around and I was content for a time, that is, until the next time I saw her.
I bounded up to Sarafina but she had totally changed, just as Sarabi had. All she told me was the cub's name and ordered me to stay away from her and never tell Nala that I was her father. My tears feel to the ground like rain as I pleaded with her, futile attempts, but she became enraged when I explained that she should at least tell Nala who her father was. She promised me she would never do such a thing, and to this day no one knows my two deepest secrets: How I acquired my Scar, and that I am Nala's father. My heart was torn out twice, once by Sarabi, and then almost exactly a month later by Sarafina, it was too much to bear, and becoming terribly depressed, I never showed my face for almost a month. Later, when I did see the two lionesses, Sarafina and Sarabi both took on their new roles, as tormentors of my heart, never allowing it to properly heal. When Sarabi said my wound healed nicely I knew she wasn't referring only to my eye but my heart as well. As I thought these sad memories, I realized tears were beginning to drip off my mane and when I gazed towards Pride Rock, it only made me cry even more. Turning quickly, my mane gleaming in the sun, I ran towards The Pridelands, the tears still pouring out of my eyes, just as Rafiki presented Simba to the whole kingdom.
I ran and ran for what seemed like hours trying to escape my past, but I could not and knew I never would. It shrouded every step I took and was forever embedded deep into my mind. Taking bearing of where I was I realized I was very close to the gorge and my tears began to slowly cease as I rose my head, suddenly realizing their was only one thing left to do. I crept towards the edge and looked down, my gaze falling upon the jagged rocks and the pale yellow earth around them. What a desolate, empty place, how it so matched my life. Why had things turned out the way they had, I thought, as I crept closer and closer towards the edge. I tried to remember where things went wrong and tried to understand if it was something I had done, but as I took this journey through my past, I only grew more and more depressed. My past would only make me shed more tears, all the while the final decision that I had been pondering all day was beginning to become answered.
I was born in a glorious place. No cub could wish to be born in a place as beautiful and marvelous as The Pridelands, of course except for me. Many do not know this, but Mufasa is only my half-brother, we both had different fathers, which is why we look nothing alike. We did both have the same mother though, and though I never knew her, I was told she was truly a sight to behold, causing both Sarafina and Sarabi to pale in comparison. My mother knew this, too well, I'm afraid, and when a lone male mated her I was the offspring of their illicit union. Mufasa's father, who I always thought was mine as well, was furious when I was born but his rage quickly turned to grief when mother died giving birth to me. "Father" always believed I killed his mate and goddess, and since I was not his blood, he didn't care about whether I lived or died.
Though I did not understand any of this, I was still too young, it became painfully obvious as I entered my cubhood. It was a tough cubhood, Mufasa always bullying me and I was considered second in everyone's eyes; Mufasa's shadow. Whenever I would try to get close to my "father" he would always show me nothing but indifference, but there was one creature who did show me friendship and instilled in my heart trust, Rafiki. The wise baboon, for some reason, took pity on me and allowed me to become his apprentice teaching me all he knew and thus filling my brain with much knowledge and intelligence. Mufasa never much cared for Rafiki's teachings, but did take Rafiki's teachings about The Circle of Life very seriously. I never really cared much about this religion and the more doubt and boredom I expressed during these teachings caused Rafiki's friendship for me to begin to lessen. I was more interested in his teachings of the mind and especially on how to manipulate those creatures who are farther down on the food chain than lions. I spent many months mastering the techniques of persuasion and rhetoric by myself, instead of listening to Rafiki when he explained how to act as a king and the proper ways to govern a kingdom. As far as I cared I would never be king, so why should I learn how?
One day Rafiki asked me to come with him alone which was fine with me, any chance to be away from my intimidating bully of a half-brother was a chance I was quick to accept. Rafiki took me to a secluded place and asked me strange questions such as why do I think I look nothing like Mufasa and why does "Father" treat me the way he does. I could not give him the answers. He responded by saying that this was his final lesson. He told me all about how my mother had mated with an outsider behind "Father's" tail and then my heart was crushed when Rafiki told me that I was not "Father's" blood, let alone telling me Mufasa was only my half- brother. I did not know how to take it and the only way I could was through anger and rage. I told Rafiki everything he told me was nothing but lies, I never wanted anything more to do with him, and for all I cared, he could shove that stick of his down his throat. Rafiki was not angry with me, but my comments and actions lost all the respect he had for me and with a sad shake of his head I watched him leave, realizing a few days later that I had just lost the only real friend I ever had. The rage did not leave me though and I ran towards the lair of the lion who I thought was my father. When I told him all Rafiki had told me, he responded with words that almost caused me to faint from shock,
"So, what is your point, you did kill your mother and my mate?!"
I roared and screamed at him asking him why he never told me, but he only became angry himself saying things like,
"Why would I ever call a pathetic creature like you my son?"
I was just a cub and lost all my innocence that day, as well as all of the love of the pride. Father proclaimed that I was no longer a member of the pride as he explained that I was never his son to begin with, and unworthy of his love as well as love from the rest of the members of the pride. Ever since that day things have remained the same as they are, and as far as I knew, always will be.
What could I do? There was nothing I could do, except survive. I was very intelligent and quite resourceful, but for strength and attributes for anything physical or that required muscle, I was at the shallow end of the gene pool. I was feeble and unhealthy due to how I had to grow up, rejected by my fellow lions, and forced to fend for myself. I never went on the hunts with the lionesses, they would never allow me to join them, no matter how many times I begged them to include me. I'd sit and watch the horizon, waiting for them to return with nourishment for me, but when they did, they gorge themselves on the carcass of the rich red meat that was their diet, never even tossing me so much as a scrap of meat. Whenever I would creep silently to the kill they would snarl and growl at me, eventually chasing me away. So I left the pride all together and had to sleep in a cave by myself. They only way I survived was feeding on the lowest form of life of the food chain, rats and mice. They were disgusting, tasteless meals, but somehow I did not die, even though this obviously left me very malnourished and left me with the body I now posses. The time for muscle development passed me by without even a glance, since how could any creature grow up big and strong feeding on the lowest forms of life?
Somehow, I managed to survive the trials and tribulations of my cubhood, yet by the time I became an adult I was proud of my appearance. My body was still somewhat feeble, with hardly a trace of muscle, but very sleek and lithe. My fur was a brilliant shade and my mane glistened like a starless night. My orange/brown/yellow fur and magnificent black mane were both extremely rare for a lion. Likewise as rare, my spectacular green eyes were beautiful and shone with a profound intelligence. If all the members of the pride's IQ was counted, it would still fall far below mine. My looks made me quite vain and meticulous, I thought any lioness would kill for a chance to be my mate, but, as always, how wrong I was. Knowing full well that I would never find a mate among the members of the pride, I journeyed to the borders and even into the wasteland but never found any lone lionesses who were looking for mates. I became distraught, angry, and then sad, as I only found nothing. The only way I could end my intense urgings and unfilled desires were to take matters into my own paws and pleasure myself time and time again.
However when I returned to my own cave, distraught and lonely, I could not believe my eyes when I saw Sarabi, a gorgeous, voluptuous female who along with another female, Sarafina, had recently joined the pride. I found her upon the floor in a carnal position, on her back with her front paws behind her head and her hind legs spread wide for me to finally see what I had been searching for. My jaw fell slack while down below became quite stiff. The scent of her season filled my lair and my arousal increased as she grinned at me. There were no words to say what we both not only wanted, but also needed. As she traced the outline of her vulva with one claw, she licked her gorgeous lips,
"Like what you see?" she asked.
"I... Oh the kings of the past, I can't believe this... Are you sure this is right?" I stammered.
"Don't talk," she replied, "Just... MATE ME!"
My face became a tremendous grin as I leaped on top of her, painting her face and muzzle with my tongue. At the same time she caressed my mane with her paws, nuzzling my face with her own, and rubbing her sex along my sheath. I roared in triumph as she slid out from under me then sauntering around me she used her tail perfectly by caressing it all over my flanks and then up and down my sheath. Then moving a ways away from me, she slowly turned, lifting her perfectly curved rump high into the air. She reached under her and slowly moved her tail out of the way, exposing her pussy once again, but first using it to sensually caress her cunt. But that was merely the beginning as she allowed me to watch her place her long tail just a little bit inside of her pussy, her wetness, matting down the fur and changing it to a slender rod. In then back out, and then a little bit deeper, each thrust, causing her to writhe and moan, and increasing her scent to maddening levels. She became engulfed in her pleasure as she allowed me to watch her end the shocking display in a screaming orgasm that rocked her body, all before my widespread eyes. When her exceptional body became still and her waves of pleasure ended, she turned her head towards me, and then her face contorted into the most sensual grin I had ever seen. My eyes should have fallen out of their sockets as I saw her begin to lick the tip of her tail, and then placed a good deal of its length inside of her mouth, tasting her own fluids that had previously covered it. That was more than any male could take and with her opening spread wide, glistening, and ready before my eyes, my mind only told me only to do one thing. I bounded towards her, forcefully grabbing her head with my left paw while pulling my rock-hard cock out of its sheath with my right. I held her head down forcefully with my right paw, while with my left slammed my member into her pussy, penetrating her labia, deep into its folds, and then tearing through, which made her gasp loudly followed by a long, throaty scream. I realized this was not only my first time, but hers as well. Nevertheless it was not love, only sex. What we did, and despite the show she gave me before hand, should only have been done by two creatures who are in complete love with one another. It is the final act of true devotion. It seals the two together in a perfect union, and as the two become one, the are forever linked by love and trust. The first time I mated was none of these things, and nothing that it was supposed to be. It was mindless, lust induced fucking, only for pleasure, and selfish, wanton need. Our union was quick, frenzied, and over much too fast, as I pumped Sarabi full of my seed, seeming as though I had only just penetrated her. I threw my head back and roared in the throes of my climax, but I knew something was missing, though it felt great, there was something wrong. As I remembered this part of my past, I now finally understand what was missing, love.
When our mating was over, Sarabi sauntered next to me and licked me on the face, saying that she would always be grateful for what I did for her. Where have I heard those lies before? But, unlike Sarafina, Sarabi continued to return to my lair, always at night, and I thought she truly loved me, but deep down I knew there was something not right, I couldn't place my claws on it. Whenever I awoke and rolled over, she was always gone, but then back the next night, and always constantly telling me how much she loved me, thus we should keep expressing our love for each other, every time she visited me. I tried to ask her why she would always be gone when I awoke, and tried to suggest other things we could do together, but we always ended up mating, mostly five to ten times a night. It was marvelous, I can't lie, but soon I found out what she was doing the whole time, only using me because she was deep in her heat, and since she was too afraid of Mufasa, I was the only other male in all of The Pridelands. For that along with the scar she gave me I would never forgive her.
A few days later, Rafiki told the whole pride "Father" only had a few days left to live! Before the sun set on his time he wanted to tell the entire pride his last proclamation, and he wanted me to be there! I was so happy, that Sarabi and I mated only twice that night, so I could get plenty of sleep. When I awakened, I looked to see if Sarabi was by my side, she wasn't, that was nothing new to me, so I bounded up towards Pride Rock where all the creatures waited. Since it was the first time I was invited to these things, I could overhear the other animals talking about me, asking each other who I was and why was I here. I ignored them, but couldn't ignore the snarls and roars from the pride when they saw me approach, especially Mufasa. I backed up in fear, but "Father" silenced them with his paw and began his last words.
"I have gathered you all here today to give my last and final proclamation as your king. It is time for me to join the kings of the past, take my rightful place among the stars...
Whatever, yea, yea, get on with it, I thought, my mind on other things as I kept staring at Sarabi. After about ten minutes he did.
"... And so it is my decision to name Prince Mufasa your new king and after much thought and from what Zazu told me he saw, Sarabi shall be his queen!"
A loud gasp was heard among the throng of creatures, the loudest made by Mufasa, Sarabi, and Sarafina. I, on the other hand, did nothing only stare at my "father" in complete and total shock at his words. Then anger, overflowing in my mind, caused me to say something which has doomed me to this wretched existence I have since then endured,
"Noooooo!" All eyes feel on me, "You can't do this to me. I love Sarabi, Mufasa can't have her... she... I... we have mated!
The gasp heard before was like a whisper compared to the one that coursed trough the throng of animals surrounding us when they all heard my words. All eyes looked at me, and then at Sarabi, then back and forth. I could see tears begin to pour down Sarabi's face as started crying long, slow sobs, until, unable to take the embarrassment, she fled into the Pridelands.
"You call that love?" asked my "father."
All the creatures started to laugh and especially my fellow lions, their cruel laughter causing me to feel a force inside of me that I'd never felt before. It had festered deep inside of me like a smoking volcano for decades, and now it erupted violently. Then a side of me was seen by all, with a voice that was not my own, and using words I would never dream of,
"You have made a deadly mistake, you damned bastards! All you know shall fall to dust and the Pridelands will die by my paw, for one day I shall be king and woe to all those who cross my path, for they will be crushed beneath my black claws, and their blood will flow like a river! You have done everything in your power to make my life miserable, and now you take away my mate Sarabi? We may have only fucked each other dry, but hell, that is more love than any of you have ever shown me. You shall all pay for what you have done to this poor creature and may you all burn for it! You call yourself lions, the top of the food chain? I have eaten rats that have more compassion that any of you. You can all stick your tails up your asses sideways for all I care! Fuck you all, but remember all I said about the future, for it will come to pass!"
I shook my head suddenly, coming to my senses, and found myself shaking like a frightened cub with foam and drool dripping off my muzzle like a hyena. All the animals were frozen with stares of shock and fear. What the hell happened to me? What made me say those awful things? I looked at all of the animals surrounding me, staring at me with slack jaws and widespread eyes, a few shaking visibly, and then I turned my head towards the pride. Mufasa had lost control of his bodily functions, Sarafina had fainted due to my words, and my "father" had tears pouring out of his eyes. Zazu had his face covered by a wing, and Rafiki was just staring at the ground. The silence around me was deafening, and as long as I remained there it would never end. There was nothing I could say, so I ran from them in full fear of what I had become, and for what I feared I might become again.
Time from this point on meant nothing to me, hours, days, weeks, it was all one phase, a constant struggle to ward off the dark side of my mind that was now threatening to consume me. During the night after "father's" proclamation, the nightmare I had was one of sheer terror; not just a mere dream, but a prophecy. The dark side of my mind had somehow became a separate entity, and even now, I still can't begin to describe what I think happened. All I can say is that all the lies, all the torment, and all the hatred against me as I was growing up split my mind into two personalities. A good side, my real side, the side that writes this journal, the side that no one ever saw, and my dark side, an evil force bent on destroying all those who created him. I could feel him, and see him in my dreams, begging me to let him come out and set things right for me, saying that he was my only friend and he was the only one I could trust. All the things that he promised he would do for me I have written down, in another part of this journal, as well as what happened the day after, the day when I became what I am now, received my eternal mark, and my new name.
"Father" died a few days after my rebirth. I dared not go to the funeral, for fear of what they might do to me and because my left eye was swollen shut. When my eye finally did heal, I still did not leave my lair. No one came to visit me, they were all still terribly afraid of me. I awoke one morning and wandered out of my cave by accident, still drowsy from lack of sleep, my nightmares were unending, and for some reason I walked right up to Pride Rock. When the lions and lionesses saw me they all drew back in fear, and when they saw my new scar, they became even more horrified. They begged me especially my half-brother not to hurt them. I promised I never would, but this was a promise my dark side wouldn't let me keep. They even allowed me to rejoin the pride, of course very wary of my intentions and always very cautious around me. Time passed and the evil force left me, but soon the pride forgot about what happened and began to go about their daily business, while things began to grow steadily and steadily worse, as the pride resumed their evil ways. What Sarafina did to me, during this part of my past, to purge her own selfish desires and appease her own insidious intentions, I would never forget and when she told me that I would never be able to see my daughter, that was it, I could take no more. I left the pride and returned to my own cave, once more in the same state I was when I was cub, rejected, abandoned, hated, left to die. I realized that with Simba soon to be the new king my agony would continue until I died, for he would only be another Mufasa, and no doubt no different than any other lion. So, as I said before, there was only one choice left for me, and my terrible past gave me the answer.
That was my life, one of pain, sorrow, and anguish, a sad, sad tale to say the least. Standing there, looking down at the jagged rocks below me, I realized that my life would never change. As I watched my tears bounce off the rocks like rain, there was only one choice left and my journey through my past had assured me this was the only answer. My tears continued to fall as I rose my head towards the skies, and damning all the kings of the past who never watched over me, I lifted my right paw and dangled it over the edge. Then I lifted my left paw into the air, knowing that when I placed it next to my right, I would lose my balance and fall to my death by my own choice. I began to fell as those I was going to fall, and for some reason I jumped back, unsure whether or not to let myself go. I knew this was the only way, and I prayed to the kings of the past, something I had never done, to let me have the guts to follow this through. Please, I prayed, let me end this pitiful life, so that I could at long last, have peace. I tired again, but once more, could not bring myself to do it. I shook my head and looked down once more, at the long fall to the jagged rocks below, which resembled the fangs of a huge monster, waiting to devour me. My tears slowly ceased as I realized there was only one way that I would be able to commit my suicide. I turned around and walked a considerable ways away from the cliff, so I could get a running start. I looked towards the skies and ran my claws through my beautiful mane feeling its softness for the last time. Tracing the line of my scar, and then striking my chest with my paw, I said adieu to my life and then closed my eyes. I began to trot and then increased my speed to a sprint as I felt the air swish around me. I knew I was close towards the edge, my paws shaking the ground and creating a dirge of echoes that sounded deep in the gorge, soon I would feel the air around carry me to my peace, then the sweet sound of breaking bones, but then only silence.
But neither occurred, instead I skidded to a stop, only a foot from the edge. My body shook and trembled, my claws extended and retracted, and my tail swished around my body like a snake. A voice, not my own, but a deeper one filled with evil roared through the gorge and must have touched the ears of every creature who heard it, such was its volume and power. My eyes sprang open and then slowly narrowed to slits, my claws extended slowly, and my muzzle twisted into a wicked grin. Falling back onto my haunches, I crossed my paws over my face and then spread them outwards, as I began an earsplitting, wicked laughter that echoed all around me. My laughter crescendoed and then became one of complete madness; so incensed and insane it was that my eyes began to water and it caused me to throw my head back in dementia. Then as suddenly as it began it stopped, but my right claw began to trace the line of my scar slowly down my eye. Then in madness, I began tracing lines all over my body, as if I was symbolically ripping my whole body into scars and wounds, but in reality I was as my claws cut my skin and drew blood in a few places. The scent and sight of my own blood glistening off my claws drew my madness to complete dominance over me and my real side ceased to exist. My dark side was finally victorious. It has been biding its time and knew the precise moment to strike, when my guard was down, and it knew it was then or never. If only I hadn't walked back so far, my life would have ended and the beast would never have been born. The monster spun his head around and his deadly gaze fell on Pride Rock and then his muzzle twisted into that wicked smile once again,
"IT IS TIME!" I roared, and then ran back towards Pride Rock, my mind filled with baneful intentions, murky schemes, and evil thoughts, all of which came to pass.
I cannot and will not tell of all the things the beast used my body to do; all I can say is he destroyed everything I once loved, and all I held dear he desecrated. All he infected died and all he touched withered, until nothing was left only a cold, gray land, perfectly matching his heart. When I finally returned to my senses, Zazu told me all the things the beast had accomplished, and I will only list a few of the things he did, the rest even worst than these and too awful to even think about. With my brains, and his wickedness, it created a cunning monster who manipulated those that were farther down on the food chain than he. Knowing that with my underdeveloped body, he couldn't kill those he despised himself, so instead he found those who could, the hyenas, and in a short time made them his assassins, servants, and his soldiers. First he killed Mufasa, using innocent Simba in his wicked scheme. He sadistically used the gorge as the instrument of Mufasa's death, after all he was born there, it was only fitting that it should be used as the place for the first to die. Then he sent his three assassins after Simba, never actually seeing what they did to him, but relishing in what they told him they did. Returning to Pride Rock the monster became king, then went on a rampage of death and destruction. He raped Sarabi countless times, every time mating her so hard that he caused her to bleed, and then, even worse, he forced Sarafina and Sarabi to mate with two male hyenas, if not he promised he would slice both of their throats. The whole time he watched the spectacle, their cries not even reaching his ears, his vile laughter drowned out their pitiful screams. He desecrated "father's" grave in ways that I will not even say, and then his worst act of all (of what I write here, this was nothing compared to other things he did,) was his sinister plans for one lioness Naomi. She was the one lioness who had always been the ringleader whenever the pride used to torment me and also "father's" mate. He ordered her to try and escape the gorge, from which there was no escape, and then sent every male hyena into the gorge with her in a deadly game of chase. If they brought her down, the beast said they could do anything they wanted to her. Naomi, though she tried helplessly, could not escape her terrible fate and when the hyenas descended upon her, they brutally raped, killed, and then feasted on her bloody carcass. The entire time the beast watched this sport laughing like his hyenas, his madness to the point of insanity. All hail King Scar the embodiment of evil and epitome of hatred, what the beast had promised did come true, there never was a king like him. Instead of the greatest king of all the kings of Pride Rock, he was the most wicked, vile beast to ever be called king. There were many stories written about him, but they are all about my dark side, and only this journal is about me, the real Scar, this side never seen, and these truths never heard.
The beast should have never been born, and all his wicked ways should have never come to pass. If only I was given the respect that every individual gives to every other individual, a respect and love that was always denied me. I never wanted to be king and I would never dream of what the beast did to my pride when he made himself their absolute monarch. I only wanted love but all I received was hatred. Still what my dark side did with my body does not justify anything, he went entirely too far, consumed in bloodlust and madness, and I should end my life for what he did. But as before, I knew I never would have the guts to do it, and I am all that remains... a sad, useless monarch. The price of the pride's mistakes caused the death and destruction of my homeland, and it wasn't my dark side who was the instrument, but all their hatred and lies, becoming a real entity that would forever haunt their nightmares. This is my past, as terrible and depressing as it is, it should be told to all, so no other creature would make the same mistakes as what happened to me, or something similar, if not worse, will happen to their homeland and their families. When I awoke from the madness and saw what the demon had done with my body, I cried for what seemed like hours, but it was too late, the damage was already done, and there was nothing I could do to fix it. All I could do was rule my kingdom and try to start anew, but it was kingdom of destruction and loneliness, a perfect match to my heart and my mind. Nevertheless, things do change, and one day I finally do find my place in The Circle of Life, and all the love and compassion that I so deeply wanted I will finally find, but that is the subject of another tale. As for this section of my journal, it was created to explain my past and what eternal hatred can cause, because if love and compassion are shown to the most pathetic of creatures, things will tun out for the better and not create a land of death and destruction. There was no love whatsoever in my past, and one can now understand what type of present it can create, but what sort of future will there be for me? We shall see. Adieu.